Archive for July, 2013

Seven months.

Dear Hank,

It’s been awhile since I’ve reflected on your growth (not to mention mine). And my goodness, are you growing! You’ve been sitting for several weeks, you are becoming more purposeful in the way you play with your toys, you have developed a strange manner of moving sideways across the floor by pivoting in circles on your stomach, you have three teeth and are sprouting several more — the list goes on. Most incredible is that you tell jokes. Is this developmentally possible for a seven-month-old? If not, then you must be some sort of prodigy, because you are a master of the fake cough. It’s your best call-and-response: Your dad or I will fake-cough, and you will fake-cough back at us. Then you’ll smile up at us, as if to say, “Did you get the joke, guys?” (You don’t really laugh — it turns out not all babies do — but you do smile a whole lot, and instead of laughing you’ll gasp or squeal, which in my book is just as good.) Even recently, when you’ve actually been sick, you’ve still had room for some fake coughs.

Thankfully, you’re not growing up too fast. Today you were on your tummy and wanted desperately to grab something out of your reach. You stretched your arms and kicked your legs, but alas, you have not figured out how to move forward (or backward). That’s fine with me. I am blown away by your development — you are incredible! — but I’m increasingly aware of how quickly this is all going. We’re over half way to a year! Soon enough, you won’t be my little baby anymore, so I’m happy if you want to take your time with some things.

You are in daycare now. It was an easy transition — you love people and especially people your own size, so you’re thrilled to be surrounded by them three days a week, and I needed a few days without you to store up my patience and energy for all the time we do spend together. It took only a few weeks, though, for daycare to get you sick for the first time. Oof! A week later, I think we have rounded the corner, but you have been one sad, hot, needy little baby, and Mama is exhausted.

When you got sick, your dad and I had the same thought: Obviously, we don’t want our baby to be sick, but oh my god, it’s so amazing to spend so much time cuddling and rocking him! I could hold him like this forever! A week later, and oh my god, ENOUGH ROCKING ALREADY. I think I rocked you for eight hours yesterday. That’s a lot of rocking. And feverish cuddles are sweaty cuddles, which it turns out are not top on my list of favorite cuddles. I still like them just fine, but I’m looking forward to dry, healthy cuddles again.

The silver lining of your being sick for me has been how it’s made me feel. I have wondered over the past seven months when I would finally, officially feel like a mom. I know I am a mom, and I know I love you more than anything else, but it still catches me off-guard sometimes to realize it. Caring for you when you are sick, though, I’ve felt more like a mom than ever, and it’s been such a good, comfortable feeling. It hasn’t been surprising at all this past week to remember that that’s who I am now.

You’ve been such a happy, independent baby almost since the day we brought you home. Sometimes it feels as if you don’t really need us, aside from as providers of your basic needs — as if you’d be happy no matter where you were or whom you were with. But when you are sick, you need me, and only me. I knew something was wrong when I walked into daycare to get you last week. As soon as you saw me, you burst into tears and reached out your arms to me. It was as if you’d toughed out feeling crappy all day, and when you finally saw Mom, you could let it all go and just admit that things were a little rough for you right now.

Of course, I’d rather you feel good and be perfectly healthy, but it’s felt really wonderful to be your mom this past week.

I love you so, so, so, so much.




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