Shopped till we dropped.

Chris surprised me this weekend by accepting my invitation to take him shopping!  I think he just got tired of my asking him, but still.  This was a big step.

We spent the whole day in Manhattan, first at Filene’s and DSW, then at lunch with Nate, then at H&M and Banana Republic, then back to Filene’s.

The tally:

Chris

• 3 pairs jeans
• 1 polo shirt
• 2 T-shirts
• 2 pairs shoes
• 1 jacket

Me

• 3 T-shirts
• 2 blouses
• 1 sweater

I was impressed both with Chris’s stamina and willingness to try on new things and my moderation.  I haven’t been shopping in two months, and for me to come home with only six things (all great bargains) is pretty unprecedented.  It’s amazing how addictive not spending money is!

I can’t wait for next weekend, when I get to show Chris’s mom how well I’ve dressed him.

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That’s a bad “Word.”

Chris and I just made it through the latest episode of “The L Word,” which over the last two or thee seasons has spiraled downward to become probably the Worst TV Show Ever.

Here’s a list of recent things that have contributed to the show’s being just terrible:

1. In a word, Jenny. I liked her in Season 1, maybe even in Season 2 (and Mia Kirshner is hot!), but she has become increasingly annoying and evil, and this season her character’s just totally unbelievable. She’s still super hot, though.
2. Pam Grier. Was she ever able to act? If so, she’s making it very clear in “The L Word” that she no longer can. Inexplicably, the writers keep inserting her unnecessarily into scenes. Everything out of her mouth is awkward, and now that we’ve done away with the plot points of her alcoholism, her relationship with the super young babysitter, and her relationship with Kelly Lynch (who I’m pretty sure had a penis?), her character is totally useless.
3. Shane being with Jenny at all. That just would never happen. But if it did happen, and if Shane actually stayed with Jenny — even after Jenny did crazy things like turn Shane’s bedroom into an office after they’d been together for, like, a day — then Shane would not hook up with Nikki Stevens in the dark room that Jenny just gave her (which was a totally inappropriate gift, as all gifts from Jenny are). Shane’s not a bad person! She can control her sexual urges! She’s done it before, and Nikki Stevens is not irresistible enough to explain why Shane would suddenly lose control of them now. Though Nikki Stevens is pretty irresistible.
4. The hook of this season is that it began with Jenny’s death, and now we’re backtracking to figure out which of her “friends” killed her. In every episode, a new character becomes a victim of Jenny’s evil ways and promptly says, “I’m going to kill Jenny!” Actually, that’s so bad it’s actually good. I have a strange respect for the writers for being able to even attempt something so stupid. Also, obviously Jenny killed herself. I mean, I would kill myself if I were Jenny!

Oh, I have to stop here. If you watch the show, you’ve had enough of this stuff without my repeating it to you. If you don’t watch, the show is boring enough as a television program; I don’t need to blogacize it.

Why do Chris and I keep watching? I’m not really sure. It probably has something to do with all the hot girls.

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The comforts of his own home.

Arthur is right now sprawled out on top of a pile of clean laundry I have yet to put away, in part because I’m lazy and in part because it is Arthur’s favorite place to sleep when I’m working in bed.  (When I’m in the living room, he’s abandoned his cat condo for an old cardboard box top, which cost zero cents.  The condo cost $30!)

He’s entirely on his back right now, with his front paws stretched out to the side.  The cat is clearly comfortable here.

Meanwhile, I cannot get his diet right.  He’s had diarrhea, probably because I immediately put him on a diet of mostly dry food, which is what my mom fed our cats, but it turns out he was eating mostly wet food in his previous home.  I moved him back to wet food, and the diarrhea went away for a day, but now I’m mixing dry food back into the wet, and the diarrhea came back tonight.  I grew up with cats, but I never knew their stomachs were so delicate!  I need to get him in better shape before I go away next weekend, though my amazing brother has offered to take care of him while I’m gone, so I really won’t have to worry.

It is nice to have someone to worry about, though.

Oh, Arthur.  I didn’t realize how lonely I was in this big apartment all by myself until you came along!  I can’t wait until I fall asleep and you decide it’s time to relentlessy dig your claws into my neck and arms and suck on my duvet cover (the Internet tells me you were weaned too early).

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Brought to you by our sponsors.

In anticipation of tonight’s “Top Chef” finale, here’s a little ode to all of the wonderful companies and products that make the show possible.

May the best woman win!  I’m rooting for you, Carla.  Hootie! Hoo!

Interestingly, Wikipedia’s removed the results it had up earlier today.  Carla’s name was highlighted in pink, indicating she was the winner.  I couldn’t find any leaks elsewhere to confirm it, and the results are down now.  Only time will tell!

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FYI.

In case you missed it, and because I haven’t mentioned it in my previous Shaq posts (and it really does deserve its very own post), Shaq’s Twitter bio is:

• Bio VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS

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In case there was any confusion.

I kicked some major butt on Sunday night. You can check my predictions and see for yourself.  Chris didn’t stand a chance!

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Shaq attack!

I wrote the other day about my appreciation of Shaquille O’Neal and his Twitter activity. Then Chris told me that when Shaq can’t sleep, he goes to Wal-Mart, and when he checks out, he pays for the next 20 people behind him in line or something crazy-generous like that. Then I read this, and any doubts I had about THE_REAL_SHAQ actually being the real Shaq vanished!

It’s really him!

And he tips really well.  Apparently, the man’s got a heart of gold, officially making him my newest favorite celebrity.

I don’t care what my dad says about his spelling. The man’s enormous and typing his tweets on a tiny little cell phone, so let’s cut him some slack. And the whole point of my liking him on Twitter is that he’s funny, not that he’s insightful or literary.  And his tweets are funny mostly because they’re written by a very large, very rich, very famous person.

If you’re not convinced, here are his last two:

• I had a nokia e90 but it fell n da toilet, now I have a shaqberry lol, I’m a toilet twitterer about 18 hours ago from txt

and

• I hate leprekons lol about 20 hours ago from txt

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And the winner is (I think)…

Best Picture: Slumdog Millionaire
Best Director: Danny Boyle
Best Actor: Sean Penn
Best Actress: Kate Winslet
Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger
Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz
Animated Feature: Wall*E
Screenplay: Milk
Adapted Screenplay: Slumdog Millionaire
Art Direction: Benjamin Button
Cinematography: Slumdog
Costume Design: The Duchess
Documentary Feature: Man on Wire
Documentary Short: The Witness
Film Editing: Slumdog Millionaire
Foreign Language: Waltz With Bashir
Makeup: Benjamin Button
Score: Slumdog Millionaire
Song: Jai Ho
Animated Short: Presto
Live Action Short: Toyland
Sound Editing: Dark Knight
Sound Mixing: Dark Knight
Visual Effects: Benjamin Button

May the best movie-watcher win!

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All a-twitter.

If you aren’t on Twitter, or, like me, if you rarely log in or post any udpates, consider this a favor: You have to follow Shaq. Yes, Shaquille O’Neal is actually on Twitter, and he updates frequently.

Some recent gems:

• To all twitterers , if u c me n public come say hi, we r not the same we r from twitteronia, we connect 3:37 PM Feb 19th from txt
• I feel twitterers around me, r there any twitterers in 5 n diner wit me, say somethin 3:33 PM Feb 19th from txt
• Just leavn lebrons party, i have no voice, can u hear this , ………………. C i told u , no voice, lol 1:37 AM Feb 15th from txt
• David stern said i dnt mind sounding trite, what does that word mean, any scholars out there 11:34 AM Feb 14th from txt
• David stern just asked me if i twittered today, i love dat man, he understands, love u all, peace, shalom, and happiness 2 everyone 2:35 PM Feb 13th from txt
• Hey brothers n sisters, wht upper, bout to dance against the jab a walkies 10:36 AM Feb 12th from txt
• Ok i admit it i at performance enhancing frosted flakes 2 yrs ago, lol 3:18 AM Feb 10th from txt
• Some rumors are planted for a reaction, i dnt react, i act , have u seen kazaam, i kno terrible, lol 3:13 PM Feb 8th from txt
• TODAY WAS MY FIRST DAY IN COURT, I WAS NERVUS, TRAFFIC COURT, SLOW DOWN TWEEPLE 4:05 AM Feb 7th from web
• Had to go to traffic court 4 tweeding slo down 11:08 PM Feb 6th from txt
• Im lookn 4 the twitter office, n san fran cant find it, i was gonna by lunch 4 everyone 1, lol 3:50 PM Feb 4th from txt
• I cant sleep gotta get 2 walmart 10:57 PM Jan 16th from txt
• Dnt believe crappy websites such as mediatakeout.com If it doesnt come from me verbally or twitter wise, disregard The horse has spoken 5:12 PM Jan 16th from txt
• For those who wanna know, i am getting my doctorate in human resource development Why Because im a people person 4:40 PM Jan 12th from txt

The man is priceless. First, he uses “LOL,” which I usually find annoying if not used ironically, but in this case, it just cracks me up every time. In fact, it makes me LOL. Second, in his traffic court (or, I should say, “twaffic court”) tweets, he twitterizes the words “speeding” and “people” by starting them with “tw.” Brilliant and hilarious!

Best of all, he loves Twitter. He apparently feels a real sense of community with other Twitter users. It’s refreshingly humble for someone who currently has more than 137,000 people following his tweets.

His username is The_Real_Shaq. It really is him.

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Happy birthday, Dad.

Sorry I’m a few weeks late for your actual birthday, Dad, but I think this is one gift you’ll actually appreciate.

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